SCENE 2: A HALL IN THE CASTLE. — Shakespeare Retold

[Enter HAMLET and HORATIO]

HAMLET

So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other;

Enough of that, sir; I’ll explain the other.

You do remember all the circumstance?

You do remember how it came about?

HORATIO

Remember it, my lord?

Of course I can remember it, my lord!

HAMLET

Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting,

Something was bothering me within my heart,

That would not let me sleep: methought I lay

Depriving me of sleep; I thought I was

Worse than the mutines in the bilboes. Rashly,

A mutineer in shackles. But, on impulse—

And praised be rashness for it, let us know,

And I am thankful for that thought—I learnt

Our indiscretion sometimes serves us well,

That gut-feeling can often serve us well

When our deep plots do pall: and that should teach us

When secret plans start waning, and they teach us

There's a divinity that shapes our ends,

There is pre-determined end to things,

Rough-hew them how we will,--

Despite our messing with them…

HORATIO

That is most certain.

That’s for sure.

HAMLET

Up from my cabin,

I left my cabin,

My sea-gown scarfed about me, in the dark

Wrapped in my sailing jacket, in the dark,

Groped I to find out them; had my desire.

Groping, then found what I was looking for.

Fingered their packet, and in fine withdrew

I pinched their papers, finally withdrawing

To mine own room again; making so bold,

Back to my room again; and being bold,

My fears forgetting manners, to unseal

Forgetting manners due to fear, I opened

Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,--

The letter from the king, where I discovered—

O royal knavery!--an exact command,

Oh, royal treachery!—a clear command,

Larded with many several sorts of reasons

Festooned with a whole host of reasoning

Importing Denmark's health and England's too,

About the health of Denmark and of England,

With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life,

With—oh!—such slanderous stories smeared about me,

That, on the supervise, no leisure bated,

That soon as they had read it, without waiting,

No, not to stay the grinding of the axe,

Not even for the sharpening of the axe,

My head should be struck off.

My head should be cut off.

HORATIO

Is't possible?

You what?

HAMLET

Here's the commission: read it at more leisure.

Here is the letter; read it when you’ve time.

But wilt thou hear me how I did proceed?

But do you want to hear what I did next?

HORATIO

I beseech you.

Of course I do!

HAMLET

Being thus be-netted round with villanies,--

So as I was surrounded by these villains—

Ere I could make a prologue to my brains,

Before I had the time to start a plan,

They had begun the play--I sat me down,

My brain had worked it out—I took a seat,

Devised a new commission, wrote it fair:

I wrote a fine new letter from the king;

I once did hold it, as our statists do,

I looked at it like politicians do,

A baseness to write fair and laboured much

Though it’s beneath me writing this—I’d worked hard

How to forget that learning, but, sir, now

Forgetting what I learned—but, sir, it now

It did me yeoman's service: wilt thou know

Did serve me well. So, do you care to know

The effect of what I wrote?

What I wrote in the letter?

HORATIO

Ay, good my lord.

Yes, my lord.

HAMLET

An earnest conjuration from the king,

A heartfelt requisition from the king,

As England was his faithful tributary,

For England was his close associate,

As love between them like the palm might flourish,

And hoped that love between them could now blossom

As peace should stiff her wheaten garland wear

And we could wear a symbol of that peace

And stand a comma 'tween their amities,

And be the link between two entities,

And many such-like 'As'es of great charge,

And other clauses starting out with ‘As’es,

That, on the view and knowing of these contents,

So, when they read and understand these contents,

Without debatement further, more or less,

Without even a moment of debate,

He should the bearers put to sudden death,

The bearers of this letter shall be killed

Not shriving-time allowed.

Without time to repent.

HORATIO

How was this sealed?

How did you seal it?

HAMLET

Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.

It seemed that even that was heaven-sent.

I had my father's signet in my purse,

I had my father’s signet ring with me,

Which was the model of that Danish seal;

Exactly like the King of Denmark’s seal;

Folded the writ up in form of the other,

I folded up the letter like the other,

Subscribed it, gave't the impression, placed it safely,

I signed it, sealed it, then I left it safely,

The changeling never known. Now, the next day

And no one saw the switch. Now, on the next day

Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent

We had the fight at sea and all that followed

Thou know'st already.

You know already.

HORATIO

So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't.

So, Guildenstern and Rosencrantz will die.

HAMLET

Why, man, they did make love to this employment;

Why, man, they loved the job that they were doing!

They are not near my conscience; their defeat

I don’t feel sorry for them, for their deaths

Does by their own insinuation grow:

Were caused by what they brought upon themselves:

'Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes

It’s dangerous when these folk of lower standing

Between the pass and fell incensed points

Get in-between the swipes and sharpened swords

Of mighty opposites.

Of powerful enemies.

HORATIO

Why, what a king is this!

This king is awful!

HAMLET

Does it not, think'st thee, stand me now upon--

Now, don’t you think it is my moral duty—

He that hath killed my king and whored my mother,

He’s killed my father-king and screwed my mother,

Popped in between the election and my hopes,

Became the king when I had hoped to be,

Thrown out his angle for my proper life,

And sent instruction that I should be killed,

And with such cozenage--is't not perfect conscience,

All done deceptively—and with clear conscience,

To quit him with this arm? And is't not to be damned,

To kill him by hand? Would I be damned

To let this canker of our nature come

If I just let this maggot spoil our nature

In further evil?

And do more evil?

HORATIO

It must be shortly known to him from England

It can’t be long before he hears from England

What is the issue of the business there.

And gets the news of what has happened there.

HAMLET

It will be short: the interim is mine;

It will be soon. Till then, the time is mine;

And a man's life's no more than to say 'One.'

To kill a man, it only takes a second.

But I am very sorry, good Horatio,

That to Laertes I forgot myself;

For losing self-control with Laertes;

For, by the image of my cause, I see

Because the situation I am in,

The portraiture of his: I'll court his favours.

Is much like his; I’ll try to win him over.

But, sure, the bravery of his grief did put me

It was his overexuberant grief that narked me

Into a towering passion.

And drove me into rage.

HORATIO

Peace! who comes here?

Hush! Who is coming?

[Enter OSRIC]

OSRIC

Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

Your lordship is most welcome back in Denmark.

HAMLET

I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?

I humbly thank you, sir. D’you know this maggot?

HORATIO

No, my good lord.

HAMLET

Thy state is the more gracious; for 'tis a vice to

It’s better that way; knowing him’s a pain.

know him. He hath much land, and fertile: let a

He owns a lot of fertile land;

beast be lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at

a beast who owns a massive farm can eat

the king's mess: 'tis a chough; but, as I say,

together with the king. He is a loudmouth;

spacious in the possession of dirt.

but, still, he owns a lot of land.

OSRIC

Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I

Sweet lord, if your lordship has some spare time,

should impart a thing to you from his majesty.

I have something to tell you from the king.

HAMLET

I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit.

I’ll hear it, sir, with all of my attention.

Put your bonnet to his right use; 'tis for the head.

Now, put your hat to use: it’s for your head.

OSRIC

I thank your lordship, it is very hot.

I thank your lordship, but it’s very hot.

HAMLET

No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is

No, trust me, it is very cold; the wind

northerly.

blows from the north.

OSRIC

It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.

I guess it’s moderately cold, my lord.

HAMLET

But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my

I find it far too hot and humid for my

complexion.

OSRIC

Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as

Oh yes, my lord, it’s really rather humid,

'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his

I can’t describe how hot it is. My lord,

majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a

the king asked me to tell you that he’s placed

great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,--

a giant bet on you; sir, it’s concerning…

HAMLET

I beseech you, remember--

Don’t forget your hat!

[HAMLET moves him to put on his hat]

OSRIC

Nay, good my lord; for mine ease, in good faith.

Thank you, but no; I’d rather not wear it.

Sir, here is newly come to court Laertes; believe

Sir, recently Laertes has returned;

me, an absolute gentleman, full of most excellent

believe me, he’s a perfect gentleman,

differences, of very soft society and great showing:

with splendid qualities, friendly and fetching.

indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the card or

If I describe him fondly, he appears

calendar of gentry, for you shall find in him the

the model nobleman, for he pervades

continent of what part a gentleman would see.

the qualities all gentlemen aspire to.

HAMLET

Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you;

You offer up a flawless profile of him,

though, I know, to divide him inventorially would

but I know if we list his many traits

dizzy the arithmetic of memory, and yet but yaw

we couldn’t memorise them all; but if

neither, in respect of his quick sail. But, in the

we did, we still would underplay his talents.

verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of

But with sincere applauding, he’s a man

great article; and his infusion of such dearth and

of greatness; and his attributes are so rare,

rareness, as, to make true diction of him, his

it seems the only real way to describe him

semblable is his mirror; and who else would trace

is seeing his reflection in the mirror;

him, his umbrage, nothing more.

all other profiles merely are his shadow.

OSRIC

Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him.

Your lordship, you’ve described him perfectly.

HAMLET

The concernancy, sir? Why do we wrap the gentleman

What is the point? Why are we praising him

in our more rawer breath?

with our deficient words?

OSRIC

Sir?

What do you mean, sir?

HORATIO

Is't not possible to understand in another tongue?

Why can’t you understand? He’s speaking like you!

You will do't, sir, really.

You’ll do it, sir. Try.

HAMLET

What imports the nomination of this gentleman?

Why are we talking of this gentleman?

OSRIC

Of Laertes?

HORATIO

His purse is empty already; all's golden words are spent.

He’s now run out of words; he’s used his clichés.

HAMLET

Of him, sir.

Yes, him, sir. Laertes.

OSRIC

I know you are not ignorant--

I know that you’re not ignorant…

HAMLET

I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you did,

I’m glad you do, sir! Even if you did,

it would not much approve me. Well, sir?

it wouldn’t bother me at all. Go on.

OSRIC

You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is--

You are not ignorant of Laertes strengths…

HAMLET

I dare not confess that, lest I should compare with

I won’t admit that, just in case I’d liken

him in excellence; but, to know a man well, were to

my excellence to his. But knowing him

know himself.

is also knowing me.

OSRIC

I mean, sir, for his weapon; but in the imputation

I mean, sir, for his weapon. For he has

laid on him by them, in his meed he's unfellowed.

a reputation that he is unequalled.

HAMLET

What's his weapon?

What’s his weapon?

OSRIC

Rapier and dagger.

HAMLET

That's two of his weapons: but, well.

That’s two weapons. But never mind.

OSRIC

The king, sir, hath wagered with him six Barbary

The king has bet him six Arabian horses,

horses: against the which he has imponed, as I take

and in return Laertes placed his bet

it, six French rapiers and poniards, with their

of six French rapiers and daggers with their

assigns, as girdle, hangers, and so: three of the

accessories, their belts and straps. Three of

carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very

these ‘carriages’ are truthfully quite fancy,

responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages,

with intricate hand pieces, lovely cases,

and of very liberal conceit.

all cleverly designed.

HAMLET

What call you the carriages?

But what exactly are the carriages?

HORATIO

I knew you must be edified by the margent ere you had done.

I knew you’d need some help before we’re done.

OSRIC

The carriages, sir, are the hangers.

The carriages, sir, are hangers.

HAMLET

The phrase would be more german to the matter, if we

That phrase would be more suitable if we

could carry cannon by our sides: I would it might

were pulling cannons. I’d prefer we call them

be hangers till then. But, on: six Barbary horses

just hangers. So, then: Six Arabian horses

against six French swords, their assigns, and three

against six French swords, their accessories,

liberal-conceited carriages; that's the French bet

and three nice carriages. That is the French bet

against the Danish. Why is this 'imponed', as you call it?

against the Danish bet. What is this for?

OSRIC

The king, sir, hath laid, that in a dozen passes

The king has bet that in a dozen bouts

between yourself and him, he shall not exceed you

between you and Laertes, he won’t get

three hits: he hath laid on twelve for nine; and it

more than three hits. In twelve bouts, you’ll win nine.

would come to immediate trial, if your lordship

And we could have the contest right away,

would vouchsafe the answer.

if you’ll give me an answer.

HAMLET

How if I answer 'no'?

And what if I say no?

OSRIC

I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial.

I mean will you compete with Laertes?

HAMLET

Sir, I will walk here in the hall: if it please his

I’m going to walk the hall. Despite the wishes

majesty, 'tis the breathing time of day with me;

told by the king, it’s time for exercise.

let the foils be brought, the gentleman willing, and the

Have all the swords brought out, if he’s still willing

king hold his purpose, I will win for him an I can;

and so’s the king. I’ll try to win for him;

if not, I will gain nothing but my shame and the odd hits.

if not, I’ve lost some shame and gained some bruises.

OSRIC

Shall I re-deliver you e'en so?

Shall I recount exactly what you’ve said?

HAMLET

To this effect, sir; after what flourish your nature will.

Yes, do; then add whatever fluff you like.

OSRIC

I commend my duty to your lordship.

Your lordship, I commend myself to you.

HAMLET

Yours, yours.

Your lordship.

[Exit OSRIC]

He does well to commend it himself; there are no

He would do well commending to himself;

tongues else for's turn.

nobody else will bother.

HORATIO

This lapwing runs away with the shell on his head.

He’s like a chick that’s just hatched from its shell.

HAMLET

He did comply with his dug, before he sucked it.

He did this with mother’s breast pre-feeding.

Thus has he--and many more of the same bevy that I

And so he has—along with others like him

know the dressy age dotes on--only got the tune of

who pompous folk adore—spoken with fashion

the time and outward habit of encounter;

of modern times with formulaic statements;

a kind of yesty collection, which carries them through and

a kind of frothy mixture to support them

through the most fond and winnowed opinions;

through every kind of conversation out there;

and do but blow them to their trial, the bubbles are out.

but give the froth a blow, the bubbles burst.

[Enter a Lord]

Lord

My lord, his majesty commended him to you by young

My lord, the king sent greetings via Osric,

Osric, who brings back to him that you attend him in

who came back saying you were in the hall.

the hall: he sends to know if your pleasure hold to

The king would like to know if you would like

play with Laertes, or that you will take longer time.

to fence Laertes now, or later on.

HAMLET

I am constant to my purpose; they follow the king's

I’m happy doing what the king prefers.

pleasure: if his fitness speaks, mine is ready;

So, if he’s ready now, then so am I.

now or whensoever, provided I be so able as now.

Whenever, just so long as I am fit.

LORD

The king and queen and all are coming down.

The king, the queen, and everyone are coming.

HAMLET

In happy time.

How opportune.

LORD

The queen desires you to use some gentle

The queen has asked that you remain polite

entertainment to Laertes before you fall to play.

when with Laertes, prior to the bouts.

HAMLET

She well instructs me.

She offers sound advice.

[Exit Lord]

HORATIO

You will lose this wager, my lord.

You’re going to lose this bet, my lord.

HAMLET

I do not think so: since he went into France, I

I do not think so. Since he left for France,

have been in continual practise: I shall win at the

I’ve practised often; I’ll win, per the odds.

odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here

But one won’t stop to think how sick I am

about my heart: but it is no matter.

on the inside; but then, it doesn’t matter.

HORATIO

Nay, good my lord,--

No, wait my lord…

HAMLET

It is but foolery; but it is such a kind of

I know I’m being foolish, but it’s like

gain-giving, as would perhaps trouble a woman.

misgivings that a troubled woman has.

HORATIO

If your mind dislike any thing, obey it:

If something doesn’t feel right, listen to it;

I will forestall their repair hither, and say you are not fit.

I’ll stall their readying, saying that you’re sick.

HAMLET

Not a whit, we defy augury: there's a special

No chance, I ignore omens. It’s predestined

providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now,

just like a sparrow’s death. If it is now,

'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now;

it won’t be later; if not later, now;

if it be not now, yet it will come:

if not now, it will happen later on.

the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he

The preparation’s key. Since no one knows

leaves, what is't to leave betimes?

what’s left behind, what’s wrong with dying early?

[Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, LAERTES, Lords, OSRIC, and Attendants with foils, & c]

KING CLAUDIUS

Come, Hamlet, come, and take this hand from me.

[KING CLAUDIUS puts LAERTES' hand into HAMLET's]

HAMLET

Give me your pardon, sir: I've done you wrong;

Forgive me, sir, for I have done you wrong.

But pardon't, as you are a gentleman.

But do forgive me as a gentleman.

This presence knows,

All people in this room here understand,

And you must needs have heard, how I am punished

And I am sure you’ve heard how I’m afflicted

With sore distraction. What I have done,

With mental illness. Everything I did

That might your nature, honour and exception

That caused offence to you and hurt your honour

Roughly awake, I here proclaim was madness.

So badly, I must tell you was through madness.

Was't Hamlet wronged Laertes? Never Hamlet:

Did Hamlet wrong Laertes? No, not Hamlet:

If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away,

If Hamlet lost his mind unknowingly,

And when he's not himself does wrong Laertes,

And in this state, he does Laertes wrong,

Then Hamlet does it not, Hamlet denies it.

Then Hamlet didn’t do it; he denies it.

Who does it, then? His madness: if't be so,

Who does it, then? His madness. Then, if so,

Hamlet is of the faction that is wronged;

It’s Hamlet who’s the one who has been wronged;

His madness is poor Hamlet's enemy.

His madness is poor Hamlet’s enemy.

Sir, in this audience,

Sir, with this audience here as my witness,

Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil

Let my denial of deliberate harm

Free me so far in your most generous thoughts,

Allow you to compassionately forgive me,

That I have shot mine arrow o'er the house,

As though I’d fired a dart over my house

And hurt my brother.

LAERTES

I am satisfied in nature,

Emotionally, I’m satisfied,

Whose motive, in this case, should stir me most

Although my motives in this case should drive me

To my revenge: but in my terms of honour

To seek revenge. But when it comes to honour,

I stand aloof; and will no reconcilement,

I can’t forgive you yet, and won’t forgive you

Till by some elder masters, of known honour,

Until I’ve heard from experts on the subject

I have a voice and precedent of peace,

That say I can now make my peace with you

To keep my name ungored. But till that time,

Without losing my honour. But till then,

I do receive your offered love like love,

I’ll take your offered love as though it’s love,

And will not wrong it.

And won’t reject it.

HAMLET

I embrace it freely;

I’m thankful for that;

And will this brother's wager frankly play.

I’ll play you like a brother for this bet.

Give us the foils. Come on.

LAERTES

Come, one for me.

Here, give me one.

HAMLET

I'll be your foil, Laertes: in mine ignorance

I’ll let you shine, Laertes; in my ignorance,

Your skill shall, like a star i' the darkest night,

Your skill will, like a star in blackened skies,

Stick fiery off indeed.

Shine brilliantly.

LAERTES

You mock me, sir.

You’re making fun of me.

HAMLET

No, by this hand.

I promise you I’m not.

KING CLAUDIUS

Give them the foils, young Osric. Cousin Hamlet,

You know the wager?

You know the bet?

HAMLET

Very well, my lord

I know it well, my lord.

Your grace hath laid the odds o' the weaker side.

You’ve bet upon the weaker of the two.

KING CLAUDIUS

I do not fear it; I have seen you both:

It doesn’t worry me; I’ve seen you both.

But since he is bettered, we have therefore odds.

But since he’s better, he must win by more.

LAERTES

This is too heavy, let me see another.

This one’s too heavy; let me see another.

HAMLET

This likes me well. These foils have all a length?

This suits me well. Are they all equal length?

[They prepare to play]

OSRIC

Ay, my good lord.

Yes, my good lord.

KING CLAUDIUS

Set me the stoops of wine upon that table.

Put out the jugs of wine upon that table.

If Hamlet give the first or second hit,

If Hamlet gets the first or second hit,

Or quit in answer of the third exchange,

Or even if he wins the third exchange,

Let all the battlements their ordnance fire:

Let every cannon fire off a round;

The king shall drink to Hamlet's better breath;

The king will drink a toast to Hamlet’s health;

And in the cup an union shall he throw,

And then I’ll drop a pearl into this cup,

Richer than that which four successive kings

A pearl worth more than our four previous kings

In Denmark's crown have worn. Give me the cups;

Have worn in Denmark’s crown. Give me the cups;

And let the kettle to the trumpet speak,

And let the drummer notify the trumpet,

The trumpet to the cannoneer without,

Which then informs the cannoneers outside

The cannons to the heavens, the heavens to earth,

To fire the cannons and let heaven state,

'Now the king dunks to Hamlet.' Come, begin:

“Now the king drinks to Hamlet.” Come, begin:

And you, the judges, bear a wary eye.

And, judges, keep a close eye on proceedings.

HAMLET

Come on, sir.

LAERTES

Come, my lord.

[They play]

HAMLET

One.

I got you.

LAERTES

No.

No, you didn’t.

HAMLET

Judgment.

Judges—did I hit him?

OSRIC

A hit, a very palpable hit.

A hit, a very obvious hit.

LAERTES

Well; again.

Well; let’s play again.

KING CLAUDIUS

Stay; give me drink. Hamlet, this pearl is thine;

Hold on! Give me the drink. Hamlet: your pearl;

Here's to thy health.

Here’s to your health.

[Trumpets sound, and cannon shot off within]

Give him the cup.

HAMLET

I'll play this bout first; set it by awhile. Come.

I’ll play this bout first; leave it there. Come on.

[They play]

Another hit; what say you?

Another hit! Do you agree?

LAERTES

A touch, a touch, I do confess.

You touched me, I confess.

KING CLAUDIUS

Our son shall win.

Our son will win.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

He's fat, and scant of breath.

He’s out of shape…and breath.

Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows;

Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, wipe your brow;

The queen carouses to thy fortune, Hamlet.

The queen is toasting your good fortune, Hamlet.

HAMLET

Good madam!

Thank you, madam!

KING CLAUDIUS

Gertrude, do not drink.

Gertrude, do not drink!

QUEEN GERTRUDE

I will, my lord; I pray you, pardon me.

I will, my lord; and now you can forgive me.

KING CLAUDIUS

[Aside]

It is the poisoned cup: it is too late.

It is the poisoned cup; it is too late.

HAMLET

I dare not drink yet, madam; by and by.

I dare not drink yet, madam; later on.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Come, let me wipe thy face.

Come, let me wipe your face.

LAERTES

My lord, I'll hit him now.

My lord, I’ll hit him this time.

KING CLAUDIUS

I do not think't.

I doubt it.

LAERTES

[Aside]

And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.

But now I am beginning to feel guilty.

HAMLET

Come, for the third, Laertes: you but dally;

Let’s play the third, Laertes. You are slow;

I pray you, pass with your best violence;

Come on, give me the best shot that you’ve got;

I am afeard you make a wanton of me.

I fear that you’re just patronising me.

LAERTES

Say you so? Come on.

You think so? Then let’s play.

[They play]

OSRIC

Nothing, neither way.

Nothing separates them.

LAERTES

Have at you now!

I got you now!

[LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES]

KING CLAUDIUS

Part them; they are incensed.

Break them apart; they’re furious!

HAMLET

Nay, come, again.

No, come again!

[QUEEN GERTRUDE falls]

OSRIC

Look to the queen there, ho!

Go take care of the queen!

HORATIO

They bleed on both sides. How is it, my lord?

They both are bleeding. How are you, my lord?

OSRIC

How is't, Laertes?

How are you, Laertes?

LAERTES

Why, as a woodcock to mine own springe, Osric;

A stupid bird ensnared in its own trap!

I am justly killed with mine own treachery.

I’m rightly dying by my own betrayal.

HAMLET

How does the queen?

How is the queen?

KING CLAUDIUS

She swounds to see them bleed.

She fainted when she saw them both bleeding.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,--

Oh no, it was the drink! Oh my dear Hamlet!

The drink, the drink! I am poisoned.

The drink. The drink! I have been poisoned.

[Dies]

HAMLET

O villany! Ho! Let the door be locked:

Oh, villainy! Go, quickly—lock the door!

Treachery! Seek it out.

It’s treachery! Let’s find the guilty person!

LAERTES

It is here, Hamlet: Hamlet, thou art slain;

It’s me, Hamlet. Hamlet, you’re going to die;

No medicine in the world can do thee good;

There is no antidote to save your life;

In thee there is not half an hour of life;

You’ve got no more than half an hour to live;

The treacherous instrument is in thy hand,

The guilty instrument is in your hand,

Unbated and envenomed: the foul practise

It’s sharp and poisonous. This misdemeanour’s

Hath turned itself on me lo, here I lie,

Backfired on me, and so I lay here dying,

Never to rise again: thy mother's poisoned:

Never to rise again. Your mother’s poisoned.

I can no more: the king, the king's to blame.

I cannot speak no more. The king’s to blame!

HAMLET

The point!--Envenomed too!

The sword is poisoned too?

Then, venom, to thy work.

Then poison, get to work!

[Stabs KING CLAUDIUS]

ALL

Treason! treason!

Treason! Treason!

KING CLAUDIUS

O, yet defend me, friends; I am but hurt.

But still protect me, friends! I’m only hurt.

HAMLET

Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane,

Here, you incestuous, murderous, God-damned Dane:

Drink off this potion. Is thy union here?

Drink from this poison! Is the pearl in here?

Follow my mother.

[KING CLAUDIUS dies]

LAERTES

He is justly served;

He got his own comeuppance.

It is a poison tempered by himself.

It was the poison he made up himself.

Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet:

Please, let’s forgive each other, noble Hamlet;

Mine and my father's death come not upon thee,

Mine and my father’s death are not your fault,

Nor thine on me.

Nor is yours mine.

[Dies]

HAMLET

Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.

Heaven, make you free of blame! I’ll follow you.

I am dead, Horatio. Wretched queen, adieu!

I’m dead, Horatio. Goodbye, foul queen!

You that look pale and tremble at this chance,

All of you looking on, trembling and pale,

That are but mutes or audience to this act,

Just standing silently and doing nothing,

Had I but time--as this fell sergeant, death,

If I had time—but Doctor Death is ruthless

Is strict in his arrest--O, I could tell you--

And strict when I must die—oh, I could tell you…

But let it be. Horatio, I am dead;

But never mind. Horatio, I am dead;

Thou livest; report me and my cause aright

You’ll live to say what happened of me here

To the unsatisfied.

To those who do not know.

HORATIO

Never believe it:

Do not believe it:

I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:

I’m more a fatal Roman than a Dane;

Here's yet some liquor left.

There’s still some poison left.

HAMLET

As thou'rt a man,

As you’re a man,

Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't.

Give me the cup! Let go! By God, I’ll drink it.

O good Horatio, what a wounded name,

Oh God, Horatio, what slandered name

Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me!

Will mine be if nobody knows the truth!

If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart

If you do really love me from the heart,

Absent thee from felicity awhile,

You’ll put your death on hold a little while,

And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain,

And in this evil world you’ll take a breath

To tell my story.

And tell my story.

[March afar off, and shot within]

What warlike noise is this?

What’s that warlike noise?

OSRIC

Young Fortinbras, with conquest come from Poland,

Young Fortinbras returns from conquered Poland

To the ambassadors of England gives

And offers the ambassadors from England

This warlike volley.

A military salute.

HAMLET

O, I die, Horatio;

I’ll die, Horatio;

The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit:

This potent poison’s triumphed over me.

I cannot live to hear the news from England;

But I do prophesy the election lights

But I predict the crown from this election

On Fortinbras: he has my dying voice;

For Fortinbras: he has my dying vote.

So tell him, with the occurrents, more and less,

So, give him the account, as best you can,

Which have solicited. The rest is silence.

Of what has happened here. The rest is silence.

[Dies]

HORATIO

Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince:

My noble heart has cracked. Goodnight, sweet prince,

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

May choirs of angels sing you off to sleep.

Why does the drum come hither?

Why does that drum come here?

[March within]

[Enter FORTINBRAS, the English Ambassadors, and others]

PRINCE FORTINBRAS

Where is this sight?

What is this sight?

HORATIO

What is it ye would see?

What do you want to see?

If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.

If sadness and amazement, stop your search.

PRINCE FORTINBRAS

This quarry cries on havoc. O proud death,

These corpses imply havoc. Oh proud Death,

What feast is toward in thine eternal cell,

What feast are you preparing down in hell

That thou so many princes at a shot

That you have gone and shot so many princes

So bloodily hast struck?

In one fell, bloody swoop?

FIRST AMBASSADOR

The sight is dismal;

This sight is awful;

And our affairs from England come too late:

Our news from England has arrived too late:

The ears are senseless that should give us hearing,

The ears that meant to hear it now are deaf,

To tell him his commandment is fulfilled,

And we can’t tell the king we’ve done his wishes

That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead:

That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.

Where should we have our thanks?

Who’s going to thank us now?

HORATIO

Not from his mouth,

Well, not the king,

Had it the ability of life to thank you:

Not even if he was alive to thank you:

He never gave commandment for their death.

He never gave the order for their death.

But since, so jump upon this bloody question,

But since you’re here so soon after the slaughter,

You from the Polack wars, and you from England,

You from the Polish wars, and you from England,

Are here arrived give order that these bodies

Give orders to your men to take the bodies

High on a stage be placed to the view;

And place them on a stage for all to view;

And let me speak to the yet unknowing world

And let me tell the world, still unaware,

How these things came about: so shall you hear

How these things came about. You’re going to hear

Of carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts,

Of carnal, bloody and unnatural acts,

Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters,

Of accidental judgements, casual slaughters,

Of deaths put on by cunning and forced cause,

Of deaths devised by cunning and foul means.

And, in this upshot, purposes mistook

And, finally, of plans that ran amok,

Fall'n on the inventors' reads: all this can I

Backfiring on the culprit. All of this

Truly deliver.

I truly can explain.

PRINCE FORTINBRAS

Let us haste to hear it,

Let’s hear it soon,

And call the noblest to the audience.

And make sure all the noblemen are here.

For me, with sorrow I embrace my fortune:

For me, with sorrow, I’ll take my good luck:

I have some rights of memory in this kingdom,

I have traditional rites upon this kingdom:

Which now to claim my vantage doth invite me.

Fortuitous circumstance now grants it mine.

HORATIO

Of that I shall have also cause to speak,

On that I’ve got some other things to say,

And from his mouth whose voice will draw on more;

As well as Hamlet’s influential words;

But let this same be presently performed,

But let’s perform the coronation now,

Even while men's minds are wild; lest more mischance

Despite our grieving anguish, to avoid

On plots and errors, happen.

More rotten luck occurring.

PRINCE FORTINBRAS

Let four captains

Bear Hamlet, like a soldier, to the stage;

Lift Hamlet, like a soldier, to the stage;

For he was likely, had he been put on,

For he was likely, had he had the chance,

To have proved most royally: and, for his passage,

To be a splendid king; and for this journey,

The soldiers' music and the rites of war

The military band and cannon fire

Speak loudly for him.

Must bellow out for him.

Take up the bodies: such a sight as this

Take all the corpses out. This dreadful sight

Becomes the field, but here shows much amiss.

Looks like a war; so much here wasn’t right.

Go, bid the soldiers shoot.

Go, tell the soldiers shoot.

[A dead march. Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after which a peal of ordnance is shot off]

–END–