ACT 1
[Enter LAERTES and OPHELIA]
LAERTES
My necessaries are embarked: farewell:
My bags are packed and on their way; goodbye.
And, sister, as the winds give benefit
And, sister, when the sailing winds are kind
And convoy is assistant, do not sleep,
And there’s a ship departing, don’t be lazy,
But let me hear from you.
But write to me sometimes.
OPHELIA
Do you doubt that?
Do you doubt that?
LAERTES
For Hamlet and the trifling of his favour,
For Hamlet and his foolish faux affection,
Hold it a fashion and a toy in blood,
Think of it as a passing amorous phase,
A violet in the youth of primy nature,
A springtime violet blooming whilst it’s young,
Forward, not permanent, sweet, not lasting,
A short-lived show, though sweet, it won’t endure,
The perfume and suppliance of a minute; no more.
Its smell will last no longer than a minute; no more.
OPHELIA
No more but so?
No more than that?
LAERTES
Think it no more;
I’d say no more.
For nature, crescent, does not grow alone
The body doesn’t grow in isolation
In thews and bulk, but, as this temple waxes,
More muscular, but as our frame expands,
The inward service of the mind and soul
So too our mind and soul grow more mature
Grows wide withal. Perhaps he loves you now,
In harmony. Perhaps he loves you now,
And now no soil nor cautel doth besmirch
And there’s no stain or trickery to smear
The virtue of his will: but you must fear,
His best intentions, but you must beware.
His greatness weighed, his will is not his own;
He’s royalty: he can’t do what he likes,
For he himself is subject to his birth:
For he was born into the royal family,
He may not, as unvalued persons do,
And he can’t, unlike normal people can,
Carve for himself; for on his choice depends
Make choices for himself; his choice depends
The safety and health of this whole state;
Upon the better interests of the state,
And therefore must his choice be circumscribed
And therefore all his choices are constrained
Unto the voice and yielding of that body
To stipulation and consent from those
Whereof he is the head. Then if he says he loves you,
Of whom he is the head. So, if he says he loves you,
It fits your wisdom so far to believe it
You’re wise enough believing that it’s true
As he in his particular act and place
Based on the certain actions that he takes
May give his saying deed; which is no further
To demonstrate his love; that’s not to say
Than the main voice of Denmark goes withal.
It’s got consensual blessing from the state.
Then weigh what loss your honour may sustain,
So think about your damaged reputation
If with too credent ear you list his songs,
If, gullibly, you’re sucked in by his words,
Or lose your heart, or your chaste treasure open
And lose your heart or, worse, virginity
To his unmastered importunity.
By his insistent, uncontrolled flirtations.
Fear it, Ophelia, fear it, my dear sister,
Ophelia, be careful, my dear sister,
And keep you in the rear of your affection,
And keep affections under your control
Out of the shot and danger of desire.
Away from carnal instincts of desire.
The chariest maid is prodigal enough,
A cautious maid takes risks if she reveals
If she unmask her beauty to the moon:
Her beauty to the celibacy moon!
Virtue itself 'scapes not calumnious strokes:
For sound intention cannot stave off slander;
The canker galls the infants of the spring,
And flies infest the plants of early spring,
Too oft before their buttons be disclosed,
And often eat the leaves before they’ve bloomed,
And in the morn and liquid dew of youth
And in the dampness of an early morning,
Contagious blastments are most imminent.
The risks of being blighted are the strongest.
Be wary then; best safety lies in fear:
Be careful: fear will keep you safe and well;
Youth to itself rebels, though none else near.
When young, we don’t need reason to rebel.
OPHELIA
I shall the effect of this good lesson keep,
I understand. I’ll keep your words of wisdom
As watchman to my heart. But, good my brother,
Close to my heart. But listen up, dear brother,
Do not, as some ungracious pastors do,
Don’t be like one of those immoral priests
Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven;
Who preach the virtuous path to get to heaven,
Whiles, like a puffed and reckless libertine,
Whilst all the while philandering and letching
Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads,
Along a path of sleaziness where you
And recks not his own rede.
Don’t practice what you preach.
LAERTES
O, fear me not.
Oh, don’t you worry.
I stay too long: but here my father comes.
I’ve stayed too long. But here comes father now.
[Enter POLONIUS]
A double blessing is a double grace,
Two farewell blessings double the delight;
Occasion smiles upon a second leave.
How lucky I can say goodbye again.
LORD POLONIUS
Yet here, Laertes! aboard, aboard, for shame!
Still here, Laertes?! Shame on you! Aboard!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
The wind is at your back and sails are set;
And you are stayed for. There; my blessing with thee!
It’s waiting for you. There you go—my blessing!
And these few precepts in thy memory
And I’ve advice I’d like you to remember
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
About the rules of life. Don’t share your thoughts,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Nor act out any inappropriate thoughts.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Be friendly, but don’t ever overdo it.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
The proven, tried-and-trusted friends you make
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
Hold closely to your heart with bonds of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
But don’t be quick to shake a hand of friendship
Of each new-hatched, unfledged comrade. Beware
With all the new, unproven folk. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Of joining arguments, but when you do,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Make sure your opposition’s weary of you.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Listen to everyone, but speak to few;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Take everyone’s advice but hold your own.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
Dress in the finest clothes you can afford,
But not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
But don’t be flashy—quality, not frills—
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
For clothes can be the marking of a man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
And French nobility all comprehend this,
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Excelling in their quality attire.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
And never lend or borrow any money,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
For you may lose the money and a friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
And borrowing can blunt effectiveness.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
But most of all: be true unto yourself,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
And if you do, as night will follow day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
You can’t be false to any other man.
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!
A blessed goodbye and take my words to heart.
LAERTES
Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.
With great humility, I’ll leave, my lord.
LORD POLONIUS
The time invites you; go; your servants tend.
It’s time you left; go on; your servants wait.
LAERTES
Farewell, Ophelia; and remember well
Goodbye Ophelia, and don’t forget
What I have said to you.
What I have said to you.
OPHELIA
'Tis in my memory locked,
It’s stored within my mind,
And you yourself shall keep the key of it.
And you alone are keeper of the key.
LAERTES
Farewell.
Goodbye.
[Exit]
LORD POLONIUS
What is't, Ophelia, be hath said to you?
What did he say to you, Ophelia?
OPHELIA
So please you, something touching the Lord Hamlet.
He told me something dealing with Lord Hamlet.
LORD POLONIUS
Marry, well bethought:
As I suspected.
'Tis told me, he hath very oft of late
I’ve heard that he has often recently
Given private time to you; and you yourself
Spent private time with you, and you as well
Have of your audience been most free and bounteous:
Have willingly spent many hours with him.
If it be so, as so 'tis put on me,
Now if it’s true what has been told to me,
And that in way of caution, I must tell you,
And told as cautionary, I must tell you
You do not understand yourself so clearly
You don’t appreciate what proper conduct
As it behoves my daughter and your honour.
Is needed of my daughter and your honour.
What is between you? Give me up the truth.
What’s going on between you? Tell the truth.
OPHELIA
He hath, my lord, of late made many tenders
He has, my lord, made many offers lately
Of his affection to me.
Of his affection to me.
LORD POLONIUS
Affection! Pooh! You speak like a green girl,
Affection? Crap! You’re wet behind the ears, girl,
Unsifted in such perilous circumstance.
Not used to times as perilous as this.
Do you believe his tenders, as you call them?
Do you believe his ‘offers’, as you call them?
OPHELIA
I do not know, my lord, what I should think.
My lord, I really don’t know what to think.
LORD POLONIUS
Marry, I'll teach you: think yourself a baby;
Well, let me teach you: think that you’re a baby
That you have ta'en these tenders for true pay,
For thinking that these offers were for real,
Which are not sterling. Tender yourself more dearly;
For they’re not real. Think better of yourself,
Or--not to crack the wind of the poor phrase,
Or—not to overuse this sorry phrase
Running it thus--you'll tender me a fool.
By using it—you’ll make me look a fool.
OPHELIA
My lord, he hath importuned me with love
My lord, he’s begged and courted me with love
In honourable fashion.
In honourable fashion.
LORD POLONIUS
Ay, fashion you may call it; go to, go to.
Fashion of sorts, I’d call it; carry on.
OPHELIA
And hath given countenance to his speech, my lord,
He has explicitly approved his words,
With almost all the holy vows of heaven.
Reciting nearly all the holy vows.
LORD POLONIUS
Ay, springes to catch woodcocks. I do know,
Bah! They’re just traps for stupid birds. I know
When the blood burns, how prodigal the soul
When passion burns, how lavishly the mind
Lends the tongue vows: these blazes, daughter,
Makes empty promises; these flashes, daughter,
Giving more light than heat, extinct in both,
Emit more light than heat, devoid of both,
Even in their promise, as it is a-making,
And even as these flashes are appearing,
You must not take for fire. From this time
Do not believe they’re fire. From now on,
Be somewhat scanter of your maiden presence;
Be far more meagre with your young attention;
Set your entreatments at a higher rate
Be more selective when you a take a meeting,
Than a command to parley. For Lord Hamlet,
Not only when he wants to talk. Lord Hamlet,
Believe so much in him, that he is young
You must believe this of him, is a youngster
And with a larger tether may he walk
And has the chance to do more that he chooses
Than may be given you: in few, Ophelia,
Than you can do. In short, Ophelia,
Do not believe his vows; for they are brokers,
Do not believe his vows, for they’re like fraudsters
Not of that dye which their investments show,
Who incorrectly dress in holy clothes,
But mere implorators of unholy suits,
Imposters making out they’re sanctified,
Breathing like sanctified and pious bawds,
Who spew religious words without discretion,
The better to beguile. This is for all:
Manipulating you. In summary:
I would not, in plain terms, from this time forth,
And let me make this clear, from this time on,
Have you so slander any moment leisure,
Don’t waste a moment of your leisure time
As to give words or talk with the Lord Hamlet.
By writing to or talking with Lord Hamlet.
Look to't, I charge you: come your ways.
Do it, I tell you. Come along.
OPHELIA
I shall obey, my lord.
I will obey you, lord.
[Exeunt]
