ACT 3
[Enter HAMLET and Players]
HAMLET
Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to
Now, please, perform the speech just like I did,
you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it,
quite naturally; for if it’s monotone,
as many of your players do, I had as lief the
as many actors talk, I may as well
town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air
have our town-crier speak it. And don’t swipe
too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently;
your hands excessively, just use them gently;
for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say,
for in the moment of immense excitement
the whirlwind of passion, you must acquire and beget
and overwhelming passion, you must find
a temperance that may give it smoothness.
some self-control to smoothly state your lines.
O, it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious
It so offends my soul when someone rowdy,
periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters,
dressed in a wig, destroys the speech’s passion,
to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings, who
bellowing out the words to hurt the ears
for the most part are capable of nothing but
of simpletons who only understand
inexplicable dumbshows and noise: I would have such
the bangs and mimed-out acts. I’d have him whipped
a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant;
for such excessive gestures, like Termagant!
it out-herods Herod: pray you, avoid it.
It’s more verbose than Herod! Please, avoid it.
FIRST PLAYER
I warrant your honour.
No need to worry, sir!
HAMLET
Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion
But don’t be too subdued, use intuition
be your tutor: suit the action to the word, the
to guide you. Match your actions to the words
word to the action; with this special o'erstep not
and words to actions, but pay close attention:
the modesty of nature: for any thing so overdone is
don’t over-act the subtlety of nature,
from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the
for when a scene is grossly over-acted
first and now, was and is, to hold, as 'twere, the
it deviates from what it’s meant to be,
mirror up to nature; to show virtue her own feature,
which is, and always has been, as it were
scorn her own image, and the very age and body of
to be a true reflection of the truth
the time his form and pressure. Now this overdone,
by showing nature as it is. But when one overplays it
or come tardy off, though it make the unskilful laugh,
or acts it badly, it might make menials laugh,
cannot but make the judicious grieve;
but wise and thoughtful folk will be upset,
the censure of the which one must in your allowance
and this can’t be, because one upset wise man
o'erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be
outweighs a happy theatre of fools.
players that I have seen play, and heard others
Oh my, I’ve seen some actors, some of whom
praise, and that highly, not to speak it profanely,
have garnered praise, and though it may sound rude,
that, neither having the accent of Christians nor
that, neither sounding like a Christian nor
the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so
walking like a Christian, pagan, or a man,
strutted and bellowed that I have thought some of
have walked and bellowed out their lines, you might think
nature's journeymen had made men and not made them
God didn’t make them; they were made by men,
well, they imitated humanity so abominably.
And not made well; a wretched imitation of a man!
FIRST PLAYER
I hope we have reformed that indifferently with us, sir.
I hope that we've fixed most of that bit, sir.
HAMLET
O, reform it altogether. And let those that play
Oh, fix it all! And make sure those of you
your clowns speak no more than is set down for them;
who play the clown say only what is written,
for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to
for there’ll be folk who start to laugh, inciting
set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too;
a host of other folk to giggle too,
though, in the mean time, some necessary
continuing to laugh throughout the scenes
question of the play be then to be considered:
describing key components of the plot.
that's villainous, and shows a most pitiful ambition
That’s awful, and shows dreadful lack of insight
in the fool that uses it. Go, make you ready.
by the fool that does it. Go, prepare!
[Exeunt Players]
[Enter POLONIUS, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN]
How now, my lord! I will the king hear this piece of work?
What’s up, my lord? Will our king watch the play?
LORD POLONIUS
And the queen too, and that presently.
And the queen as well, and right away.
HAMLET
Bid the players make haste.
Tell all the actors they must hurry up.
[Exit POLONIUS]
Will you two help to hasten them?
Will you two help to hurry them along?
ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN
We will, my lord.
We will, my lord.
[Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN]
HAMLET
What ho! Horatio!
Hey up, Horatio!
[Enter HORATIO]
HORATIO
Here, sweet lord, at your service.
Yes, here I am, dear lord, ready to serve.
HAMLET
Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man
Horatio, you are the finest man
As e'er my conversation coped withal.
I’ve ever had the pleasure to acquaint.
HORATIO
O, my dear lord,--
Oh never, my dear lord…
HAMLET
Nay, do not think I flatter;
Don’t think it’s flattery,
For what advancement may I hope from thee
For what on earth could I hope to obtain
That no revenue hast but thy good spirits,
From one as broke as you except your humour
To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flattered?
To warm my heart? Why flatter poverty?
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
No, let those grovellers salute the fanfare
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee
And bend a fickle knee to bow their heads
Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?
In hope of sycophantic gifts. You get me?
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice
Since I’ve been free to make my own decisions
And could of men distinguish, her election
And choose which men I choose to call my friends
Hath sealed thee for herself; for thou hast been
Based on my feelings, I have seen you as
As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing,
A person of integrity and strength,
A man that fortune's buffets and rewards
Who takes the ebbs and flows of life events
Hast ta'en with equal thanks: and blest are those
With equal gratitude, a marvellous trait
Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled,
Where you can hold your nerve despite a setback,
That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger
And do not point a finger of blame at someone
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
When it is no one’s fault. Show me the man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
That isn’t passion’s slave and I will take him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
Into the heart and soul of who I am,
As I do thee.--Something too much of this.--
And I do this to you. But that’s enough!
There is a play to-night before the king;
There is a play tonight; the king’s attending.
One scene of it comes near the circumstance
One of the scenes is similar to events
Which I have told thee of my father's death:
That I have told you of my father’s death.
I prithee, when thou seest that act afoot,
I ask you, when you see that act unfold,
Even with the very comment of thy soul
Use every single ounce of concentration
Observe mine uncle: if his occulted guilt
To watch my uncle. If his hidden guilt
Do not itself unkennel in one speech,
Does not reveal itself within that speech,
It is a damned ghost that we have seen,
It was the fault of that damn ghost we saw,
And my imaginations are as foul
And my suspicions are as rotten as
As Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note;
The fires of hell. Keep careful watch on him,
For I mine eyes will rivet to his face,
And I will keep fixated on his face,
And after we will both our judgments join
And afterwards we’ll share our own perceptions
In censure of his seeming.
About the way he was.
HORATIO
Well, my lord:
I will, my lord.
If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing,
If he is guilty, then throughout the play
And 'scape detecting, I will pay the theft.
He won’t escape detection; I will see it.
HAMLET
They are coming to the play; I must be idle:
Here come the actors now; I must sit still.
Get you a place.
Go take a seat.
[Danish march. A flourish. Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, POLONIUS, OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and others]
KING CLAUDIUS
How fares our cousin Hamlet?
How is our cousin Hamlet?
HAMLET
Excellent, i' faith; of the chameleon's dish: I eat
I’m eating air like a chameleon,
the air, promise-crammed: you cannot feed capons so.
for empty promises won’t fatten chickens.
KING CLAUDIUS
I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet; these words
What are you saying, Hamlet? These words of yours
are not mine.
aren’t making sense to me.
HAMLET
No, nor mine now.
And nor to me.
[To POLONIUS]
My lord, you played once i' the university, you say?
My lord, you said you acted once at college?
LORD POLONIUS
That did I, my lord; and was accounted a good actor.
I did, my lord; they said I was accomplished.
HAMLET
What did you enact?
What role did you perform?
LORD POLONIUS
I did enact Julius Caesar: I was killed i' the Capitol;
Julius Caesar; I was killed in the Capitol;
Brutus killed me.
Brutus killed me.
HAMLET
It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf
It sure was brutal killing such a fool.
there. Be the players ready?
Are the actors ready?
ROSENCRANTZ
Ay, my lord; they stay upon your patience.
Yes, my lord; they’re all ready when you are.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.
Come here, dear Hamlet; sit down next to me.
HAMLET
No, good mother, here's metal more attractive.
Oh no, dear mother, this magnet’s pulling me.
LORD POLONIUS
[To KING CLAUDIUS]
O, ho! Do you mark that?
You what? Did you hear that?
HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
[Lying down at OPHELIA's feet]
OPHELIA
No, my lord.
No, my lord.
HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?
I mean should I put my head in your lap?
OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.
Yes, my lord
HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?
Do you think I meant ‘country’ matters?
OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.
I think nothing, my lord.
HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
It’s a lovely thought to lie between your legs.
OPHELIA
What is, my lord?
What is, my lord?
HAMLET
Nothing.
Nothing.
OPHELIA
You are merry, my lord.
You’re excitable, my lord.
HAMLET
Who, I?
Who, I?
OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.
Yes, my lord.
HAMLET
O God, your only jig-maker. What should a man do
Oh God, I’m just a clown. But what is wrong
but be merry? For, look you, how cheerfully my
with being happy? Look how cheerful
mother looks, and my father died within these two hours.
my mother is two hours since father died.
OPHELIA
Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.
No, it’s two months since then, my lord.
HAMLET
So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for
That long? Well, let the devil dress in black,
I'll have a suit of sables. O heavens! die two
and I’ll wear pricey fur. Be dead two months
months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's
and not forgotten yet? Well, then there’s hope
hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half
a great man’s memory may yet endure
a year: but, by'r lady, he must build churches,
for half a year! Good lord, he must build churches
then; or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with
or he will be forgotten when he’s died,
the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is 'For, O, for, O,
just like a folk tale where the hobby-horse
the hobby-horse is forgot.'
sings ‘Oh, the hobby-horse is now forgotten.’
[Hautboys play. The dumb-show enters. Enter a King and a Queen very lovingly; the Queen embracing him, and he her. She kneels, and makes show of protestation unto him. He takes her up, and declines his head upon her neck: lays him down upon a bank of flowers: she, seeing him asleep, leaves him. Anon comes in a fellow, takes off his crown, kisses it, and pours poison in the King's ears, and exit. The Queen returns; finds the King dead, and makes passionate action. The Poisoner, with some two or three Mutes, comes in again, seeming to lament with her. The dead body is carried away. The Poisoner wooes the Queen with gifts: she seems loath and unwilling awhile, but in the end accepts his love.]
[Exeunt]
OPHELIA
What means this, my lord?
What does this mean, my lord?
HAMLET
Marry, this is miching mallecho; it means mischief.
There’s mischievous skulduggery afoot!
OPHELIA
Belike this show imports the argument of the play.
Perhaps this act reveals the play’s plot line.
[Enter Prologue]
HAMLET
We shall know by this fellow: the players cannot
We’ll get to know through this chap; actors can’t
keep counsel; they'll tell all.
stay quiet. He’ll tell all.
OPHELIA
Will he tell us what this show meant?
Will he reveal what that act was about?
HAMLET
Ay, or any show that you'll show him: be not you
Oh yes, or any other thing you show him.
ashamed to show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means.
Don’t be ashamed; he’ll have no shame explaining.
OPHELIA
You are naught, you are naught: I'll mark the play.
You’re wicked, you are! Vile. I’ll watch the play.
PROLOGUE
For us, and for our tragedy,
For us, and for this tragic play,
Here stooping to your clemency,
We bow in front of you today
We beg your hearing patiently.
And ask you hear these words we say.
[Exit]
HAMLET
Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?
Is this a prologue or a ring’s inscription?
OPHELIA
'Tis brief, my lord.
It’s short, my lord.
HAMLET
As woman's love.
Like woman’s love.
[Enter two Players, King and Queen]
PLAYER KING
Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round
Now, thirty years have passed and gone around
Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground,
Across the oceans, circling the ground,
And thirty dozen moons with borrowed sheen
And thirty dozen glowing moons we’ve seen
About the world have times twelve thirties been,
Around the word twelve thirties they have been
Since love our hearts and Hymen did our hands
Since, through our love, the Marriage God united
Unite commutual in most sacred bands.
Us both with wedding rings, our love requited.
PLAYER QUEEN
So many journeys may the sun and moon
I hope to count the sun and moon revolve
Make us again count o'er ere love be done!
The same again before our loves dissolve!
But, woe is me, you are so sick of late,
But I am worried; you’ve been sick of late,
So far from cheer and from your former state,
Unhappy, which is not your normal state;
That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust,
I fear for you. But, even though I’m scared,
Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must:
My worrying for you must not be shared;
For women's fear and love holds quantity;
A woman’s fear and love have matched esteem:
In neither aught, or in extremity.
There’s either none at all, or both extreme.
Now, what my love is, proof hath made you know;
You’ve seen my love through everything I do,
And as my love is sized, my fear is so:
And like my love, my fear’s the same size too:
Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear;
When love is strong, we worry for we care;
Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.
Where worry lives, love also will be there.
PLAYER KING
'Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too;
My dear, from this fair earth I soon will sail
My operant powers their functions leave to do:
As all my vital functions start to fail,
And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,
But you’ll live on when I’m no longer here
Honoured, beloved; and haply one as kind
Respected, loved; and maybe someone dear
For husband shalt thou--
Will be your husband…
PLAYER QUEEN
O, confound the rest!
Oh no, please don’t start!
Such love must needs be treason in my breast:
Remarrying is treason of my heart!
In second husband let me be accurst!
Damn me if my own vows I have reversed;
None wed the second but who killed the first.
No one reweds unless they’ve killed the first.
HAMLET
[Aside]
Wormwood, wormwood.
That’ll leave a bitter taste.
PLAYER QUEEN
The instances that second marriage move
The cause of marriage for a second time
Are base respects of thrift, but none of love:
Is just for money; love’s not worth a dime.
A second time I kill my husband dead,
I’d kill my former husband once again
When second husband kisses me in bed.
If I should kiss my second husband then.
PLAYER KING
I do believe you think what now you speak;
I know you now believe these words you say
But what we do determine oft we break.
But from beliefs we often soon will stray.
Purpose is but the slave to memory,
For sound intentions soon can be forgot:
Of violent birth, but poor validity;
Initial pain will quickly start to rot,
Which now, like fruit unripe, sticks on the tree;
Much like some unripe fruit upon a tree
But fall, unshaken, when they mellow be.
Which, unprovoked, will fall when ripened be.
Most necessary 'tis that we forget
It’s most important that we should forget
To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt:
The promises we’ve paid ourselves as debt;
What to ourselves in passion we propose,
For promises we make, made out of passion,
The passion ending, doth the purpose lose.
Lose strength when the excitement’s out of fashion.
The violence of either grief or joy
The strength of feeling caused by grief or joy
Their own enactures with themselves destroy:
Undo the actions they themselves deploy:
Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;
When joy is happy, grief is most upset;
Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.
Vice versa when an accident is met.
This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange
Things are not fixed forever, nor’s it strange
That even our loves should with our fortunes change;
That things we love, with time, will often change.
For 'tis a question left us yet to prove,
It’s still a question with no right reply:
Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.
Does love cause luck, or luck cause love to fly?
The great man down, you mark his favourite flies;
Observe the friends when someone falls from favour:
The poor advanced makes friends of enemies.
They fall for foes as former friendships waver.
And hitherto doth love on fortune tend;
As so, thus far, love must on luck depend;
For who not needs shall never lack a friend,
A wealthy man will never lack a friend,
And who in want a hollow friend doth try,
But paupers seeking friends do so in vain
Directly seasons him his enemy.
And make more enemies than friendships gain.
But, orderly to end where I begun,
But I’ll conclude with where I started out,
Our wills and fates do so contrary run
For what we want won’t usually come about,
That our devices still are overthrown;
For our intentions over time mutate;
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own:
We own our thoughts but do not own our fate.
So think thou wilt no second husband wed;
So though you think you won’t another wed,
But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.
That thought will pass when your first husband’s dead.
PLAYER QUEEN
Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light!
Don’t feed me food or let the sunlight shine!
Sport and repose lock from me day and night!
The joys of life and rest I must decline!
To desperation turn my trust and hope!
I’ll turn my trust and hope into despair!
An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope!
And let a hermit’s rations be my fare!
Each opposite that blanks the face of joy
And may whatever turns good times to bad,
Meet what I would have well and it destroy!
Take all good things in life and make them sad!
Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,
But may I live in sadness all my life,
If, once a widow, ever I be wife!
If, once you’re gone, I’m someone else’s wife!
HAMLET
If she should break it now!
She’d better not retract it now!
PLAYER KING
'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile;
I see you mean it. Darling, leave me be,
My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile
My mind is tired and now hopefully
The tedious day with sleep.
I’ll end this endless day asleep.
[Sleeps]
PLAYER QUEEN
Sleep rock thy brain,
Sweet dreams,
And never come mischance between us twain!
And may bad luck not break us at the seams.
[Exit]
HAMLET
Madam, how like you this play?
How do you like the play, mother?
QUEEN GERTRUDE
The lady protests too much, methinks.
I think the lady witters on too much.
HAMLET
O, but she'll keep her word.
At least she’ll keep her word.
KING CLAUDIUS
Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in 't?
Now, have you heard this story? Is it rude?
HAMLET
No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest; no offence
Oh no, it’s only fiction; murderous fiction.
i' the world.
It isn’t rude at all.
KING CLAUDIUS
What do you call the play?
So what’s the title of the play?
HAMLET
The Mouse-trap. Marry, how? Tropically. This play
The Mousetrap. But how come, I hear you ask!
is the image of a murder done in Vienna: Gonzago is
It’s just the same as murder in Vienna
the duke's name; his wife, Baptista: you shall see
by duke Gonzago, and his wife Baptista.
anon; 'tis a knavish piece of work: but what o'
Soon you will see; it is a cunning tale,
that? Your majesty and we that have free souls, it
but what the heck? You freely can decide
touches us not: let the galled jade wince,
if you are moved. Let’s let the guilty wince
our withers are unwrung.
for we’re not them!
[Enter LUCIANUS]
This is one Lucianus, nephew to the king.
Here’s Lucianus, nephew to the king.
OPHELIA
You are as good as a chorus, my lord.
You’re part of the performance now, my lord.
HAMLET
I could interpret between you and your love, if I
I could deduce your love and lover flirting,
could see the puppets dallying.
if I could see the actors loitering.
OPHELIA
You are keen, my lord, you are keen.
Touché, my lord, a sharpened wit indeed.
HAMLET
It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge.
I’ll only stop if I can make you groan.
OPHELIA
Still better, and worse.
Your sharper wit’s more smutty.
HAMLET
So you must take your husband. Begin, murderer;
Just like you’d trick your husband. Murderer:
pox, leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come:
speak up and ditch your scowl, and let’s begin:
'the croaking raven doth bellow for revenge.'
‘The croaking raven’s bellowing revenge!’
LUCIANUS
Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing;
I’ve evil thoughts, smart hands, bad drugs and gloom;
Confederate season, else no creature seeing;
The time is right and no one’s in the room;
Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,
This horrid potion, made from noxious weeds,
With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected,
Is poisoned by the God of Witchcraft’s deeds,
Thy natural magic and dire property,
It has the magic and the property
On wholesome life usurp immediately.
To take somebody’s life immediately.
[Pours the poison into the sleeper's ears]
HAMLET
He poisons him i' the garden for's estate. His
He poisons him in the garden to be king.
name's Gonzago: the story is extant, and writ in
His name’s Gonzago; it’s a current story,
choice Italian: you shall see anon how the murderer
told in Italian. You’ll see the murderer
gets the love of Gonzago's wife.
win the love of kind Gonzago’s wife.
OPHELIA
The king rises.
The king’s stood up.
HAMLET
What, frighted with false fire!
Scared by a work of fiction?
QUEEN GERTRUDE
How fares my lord?
How are you, my lord?
LORD POLONIUS
Give o'er the play.
Stop the play!
KING CLAUDIUS
Give me some light: away!
Turn up the lights: I’m leaving!
ALL
Lights, lights, lights!
Lights, lights, lights!
[Exeunt all but HAMLET and HORATIO]
HAMLET
Why, let the stricken deer go weep,
“Oh, let the injured deer go weep
The hart ungalled play;
While unhurt stags still play,
For some must watch, while some must sleep:
For some must watch while others sleep:
So runs the world away.
The world revolves that way.”
Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers-- if
Wouldn’t my rhyme, coupled with feathery hat—
the rest of my fortunes turn Turk with me--with two
assuming I fall out of favour here—
Provincial roses on my razed shoes, get me a
along with flowery, high-heeled shoes, get me
fellowship in a cry of players, sir?
a partnership with all these actors, sir?
HORATIO
Half a share.
Half a part.
HAMLET
A whole one, I.
I think a whole one.
For thou dost know, O Damon dear,
“You surely know, Damon, my friend,
This realm dismantled was
Your power was overthrown
Of Jove himself; and now reigns here
By Jove himself; we now attend
A very, very--pajock.
A very…very…peacock.”
HORATIO
You might have rhymed.
That doesn’t rhyme.
HAMLET
O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a
My dear Horatio, the ghost was right—
thousand pound. Didst perceive?
I’ll bet a thousand pounds! Did you observe him?
HORATIO
Very well, my lord.
I really did, my lord.
HAMLET
Upon the talk of the poisoning?
At when he spoke about the poisoning?
HORATIO
I did very well note him.
I saw him crystal clear.
HAMLET
Ah, ha! Come, some music! Come, the recorders!
A-ha! Let’s have some music! Play, recorders!
For if the king like not the comedy,
“So if the king dislikes this play, concede
Why then, belike, he likes it not, perdy.
That he dislikes it very much indeed.”
Come, some music!
Come on now, play some music!
[Re-enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN]
GUILDENSTERN
Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word with you.
My lord, please let me have a word with you.
HAMLET
Sir, a whole history.
One word? Speak all of history!
GUILDENSTERN
The king, sir,--
The king, sir…
HAMLET
Ay, sir, what of him?
Oh yeah—what about him?
GUILDENSTERN
Is in his retirement marvellous distempered.
Is in his room, and thoroughly enraged.
HAMLET
With drink, sir?
Is he drunk, sir?
GUILDENSTERN
No, my lord, rather with choler.
No, my lord, he’s very angry.
HAMLET
Your wisdom should show itself more richer to
Your intellect would be better applied
signify this to his doctor; for, for me to put him
by talking to a doctor; for if I
to his purgation would perhaps plunge him into far
should try to cleanse his soul, I’m sure I would
more choler.
accentuate his rage.
GUILDENSTERN
Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame and
My lord, please put your words into perspective
start not so wildly from my affair.
and do not veer from what I’m trying to say.
HAMLET
I am tame, sir: pronounce.
I’m calm, sir; carry on.
GUILDENSTERN
The queen, your mother, in most great affliction of
The queen, your mother, who is most upset,
spirit, hath sent me to you.
has asked I come and see you.
HAMLET
You are welcome.
Nice to see you!
GUILDENSTERN
Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed.
No, lord, your greeting contradicts intent.
If it shall please you to make me a
If you don’t mind, I’ll ask you to reply
wholesome answer, I will do your mother's
with a proper answer as I ask you
commandment: if not, your pardon and my return
your mother’s wish; if not, I’ll beg your pardon
shall be the end of my business.
and then be on my way.
HAMLET
Sir, I cannot.
Sir, I cannot.
GUILDENSTERN
What, my lord?
Cannot what, my lord?
HAMLET
Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseased: but,
Give you a proper answer. I’m psychotic.
sir, such answer as I can make, you shall command;
Whatever words I say you must recount,
or, rather, as you say, my mother: therefore no
or should I say, just tell them to my mother.
more, but to the matter: my mother, you say,--
But, to the point: my mother told you what…?
ROSENCRANTZ
Then thus she says; your behaviour hath struck her
She said that your behaviour has confused her
into amazement and admiration.
into a sense of mild astonishment.
HAMLET
O wonderful son, that can so astonish a mother! But
Oh, what a marvellous son! My Mum’s astonished!
is there no sequel at the heels of this mother's
But surely there is more than her amazement?
admiration? Impart.
Come on, speak up.
ROSENCRANTZ
She desires to speak with you in her closet,
She wants to speak to you in her bedchamber,
ere you go to bed.
before you go to bed.
HAMLET
We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have
I’d still obey my mother ten times over.
you any further trade with us?
Do you have something else you want to say?
ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, you once did love me.
My lord, you once adored me.
HAMLET
So I do still, by these pickers and stealers.
By these fair hands, I tell you I still do.
ROSENCRANTZ
Good my lord, what is your cause of distemper?
Well, then, my lord, tell me why you are angry.
You do, surely, bar the door upon your own liberty, if
You surely stop yourself from being free
you deny your griefs to your friend.
if you can’t share your problems with a friend.
HAMLET
Sir, I lack advancement.
Well, sir, I have no future.
ROSENCRANTZ
How can that be, when you have the voice of the king
How can you say that, when you heard the king
himself for your succession in Denmark?
declare you are the heir to Denmark’s throne?
HAMLET
Ay, but sir, 'While the grass grows,'--the proverb
Well, yes, but, “While the grass grows…”—says the proverb
is something musty.
which now is rather old.
[Re-enter Players with recorders]
O, the recorders! Let me see one. To withdraw with
Oh, the recorders! Let me see one. Now,
you:--why do you go about to recover the wind of me,
let’s talk in private: why’ve you moved down wind
as if you would drive me into a toil?
attempting to outflank me with a trap?
GUILDENSTERN
O, my lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too
If I’m unduly forward then, my lord,
unmannerly.
it’s just my admiration being rude.
HAMLET
I do not well understand that. Will you play upon
I don’t know what you mean. Can you make music
this pipe?
with this recorder?
GUILDENSTERN
My lord, I cannot.
No, my lord, I can’t.
HAMLET
I pray you.
Go on, just try.
GUILDENSTERN
Believe me, I cannot.
Believe me, I can’t play it.
HAMLET
I do beseech you.
I must insist you try.
GUILDENSTERN
I know no touch of it, my lord.
I don’t know how to hold it though, my lord.
HAMLET
'Tis as easy as lying: govern these ventages with
It’s easy, just like lying; hide these holes
your lingers and thumb, give it breath with your
with thumbs and fingers, then breathe with your mouth
mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music.
and it will then create some lovely music.
Look you, these are the stops.
Here, look, these are the stops.
GUILDENSTERN
But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony;
But I can’t play a semblance of a tune;
I have not the skill.
I do not have the skill.
HAMLET
Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me!
Well, look at you! You think I am pathetic!
You would play upon me; you would seem to know
You think that you can play me; like you know
my stops; you would pluck out the heart of my
the stops on my recorder; kill my intrigue;
mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to
you want to blow each note, from top to bottom;
the top of my compass: and there is much music,
but let me tell you, there’s exquisite music
excellent voice, in this little organ; yet cannot
within my voice and body; but you can’t
you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am
just make it talk. By God’s blood, do you think
easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what
I’m easier to play on than a pipe?
instrument you will, though you can fret me, yet you
So, call me any instrument you like,
cannot play upon me.
don’t think that you can play me for a fool.
[Enter POLONIUS]
God bless you, sir!
Hello there, and God bless!
LORD POLONIUS
My lord, the queen would speak with you, and
My lord, the queen now wants to speak to you,
presently.
and right away.
HAMLET
Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?
Can you observe that camel-looking cloud?
LORD POLONIUS
By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.
My goodness, yes, it is just like a camel.
HAMLET
Methinks it is like a weasel.
I think it’s like a weasel.
LORD POLONIUS
It is backed like a weasel.
It has a weasel’s back.
HAMLET
Or like a whale?
Perhaps a whale?
LORD POLONIUS
Very like a whale.
Oh yes, just like a whale.
HAMLET
Then I will come to my mother by and by. They fool
Then I will come and see my mother soon.
me to the top of my bent. I will come by and by.
They play me for a fool. I’ll come by soon.
LORD POLONIUS
I will say so.
I’ll tell her.
HAMLET
By and by is easily said.
It’s easy to say ‘soon’.
[Exit POLONIUS]
Leave me, friends.
Leave me, friends.
[Exeunt all but HAMLET]
Tis now the very witching time of night,
It’s now the time of night when witches rise,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
And graveyards open with the breath of hell
Contagion to this world: now could I drink hot blood,
To curse the world. Right now, I’d drink hot blood
And do such bitter business as the day
And do such awful acts that in the day
Would quake to look on. Soft! Now to my mother.
Would terrify! But now I’ll see my mother.
O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever
Dear heart, don’t lose your strength, and don’t be vicious
The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom:
Like Nero, keep such dreadfulness away.
Let me be cruel, not unnatural:
Let me be cruel, but not be inhumane:
I will speak daggers to her, but use none;
I’ll talk with daggers to her, but won’t use one;
My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites;
I’ll say things, though my soul would rather act;
How in my words soever she be shent,
Though I’ll rebuke her with the words I say,
To give them seals never, my soul, consent!
I’ll never act the deeds that they convey!
[Exit]
