SCENE 5: ELSINORE. A ROOM IN THE CASTLE.

[Enter QUEEN GERTRUDE, HORATIO, and a Gentleman]

QUEEN GERTRUDE

I will not speak with her.

GENTLEMAN

She is importunate, indeed distract:

She is insistent, also quite distraught;

Her mood will needs be pitied.

She needs some sympathy.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

What would she have?

What does she want?

GENTLEMAN

She speaks much of her father; says she hears

She talks about her father lots; she says

There's tricks i' the world; and hems, and beats her heart;

The world’s unjust; she rasps and beats her chest;

Spurns enviously at straws; speaks things in doubt,

She yells at nothing; speaking gibberish

That carry but half sense: her speech is nothing,

That makes no sense; she’s talking utter rubbish,

Yet the unshaped use of it doth move

But this befuddled language makes one think

The hearers to collection; they aim at it,

They understand her words; they grasp at it

And botch the words up fit to their own thoughts;

And draw conclusions what she’s trying to say,

Which, as her winks, and nods, and gestures yield them,

Which by her gestures for interpretation

Indeed would make one think there might be thought,

Will make one think there is a hidden message,

Though nothing sure, yet much unhappily.

Not knowing what it is, except it’s bad.

HORATIO

'Twere good she were spoken with; for she may strew

It’s good to speak to her, for she may spread

Dangerous conjectures in ill-breeding minds.

Some dangerous thoughts within deceitful minds.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Let her come in.

[Exit HORATIO]

To my sick soul, as sin's true nature is,

To my sick mind, so sickened as it is,

Each toy seems prologue to some great amiss:

Each piffle seems to bode for something worse.

So full of artless jealousy is guilt,

When guilty ones become over-suspicious,

It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.

Then that suspicion makes you spill the beans.

[Re-enter HORATIO, with OPHELIA]

OPHELIA

Where is the beauteous majesty of Denmark?

Where is that lovely, gorgeous Queen of Denmark?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

How now, Ophelia!

What’s up, Ophelia?

OPHELIA

[Sings]

How should I your true love know

From another one?

By his cockle hat and staff,

By his cockle hat and staff

And his sandal shoon.

And his sandal shoes.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Alas, sweet lady, what imports this song?

Oh dear, my dear, what does this song imply?

OPHELIA

Say you? Nay, pray you, mark.

You what? No, listen up, I beg of you.

[Sings]

He is dead and gone, lady,

He is dead and gone;

At his head a grass-green turf,

At his heels a stone.

At his heels a gravestone.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Nay, but, Ophelia,--

Oh no, Ophelia…

OPHELIA

Pray you, mark.

Please, listen up.

[Sings]

White his shroud as the mountain snow,--

White his shroud as the mountain snow…

[Enter KING CLAUDIUS]

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Alas, look here, my lord.

Oh dear, just look at her, my lord.

OPHELIA

[Sings]

Larded with sweet flowers

Covered with sweet flowers

Which bewept to the grave did go

With true-love showers.

With true-love showers of tears.

KING CLAUDIUS

How do you, pretty lady?

How are you, pretty lady?

OPHELIA

Well, God 'ild you! They say the owl was a baker's

Well, God pay you! They say the owl’s a baker’s

daughter. Lord, we know what we are, but know not

what we may be. God be at your table!

KING CLAUDIUS

Conceit upon her father.

She’s brooding for her father.

OPHELIA

Pray you, let's have no words of this; but when they

I ask you not to talk of this, but when

ask you what it means, say you this:

they ask you what it means, just tell them this:

[Sings]

To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,

Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s Day

All in the morning betime,

And early in the morn

And I a maid at your window,

I’ll be the maid at your window

To be your Valentine.

Your Valentine foresworn.

Then up he rose, and donned his clothes,

Then up he rose, put on his clothes

And dupped the chamber-door;

Unlatched the bedroom door,

Let in the maid, that out a maid

Let in the maid, then out she strayed,

Never departed more.

A virgin girl no more.

KING CLAUDIUS

Pretty Ophelia!

OPHELIA

Indeed, la, without an oath, I'll make an end on't:

Oh, I’m not promising. I’ll finish up:

[Sings]

By Gis and by Saint Charity,

By Jesus and Saint Charity,

Alack, and fie for shame!

Oh dear, this is a shame!

Young men will do't, if they come to't;

Young men will shag at half-a-chance;

By cock, they are to blame.

By cock, they are to blame!

Quoth she, before you tumbled me,

She said, ‘before you slept with me

You promised me to wed.

You promised me we’d wed.’

So would I ha' done, by yonder sun,

‘I would have done, by yonder sun,

An thou hadst not come to my bed.

Had you not come to bed.’

KING CLAUDIUS

How long hath she been thus?

How long has she been like this?

OPHELIA

I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but I

I hope all will be fine. We must be patient,

cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him

but I can’t help to weep when thinking of him

i' the cold ground. My brother shall know of it:

buried in cold ground. My bro must know.

and so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, my

And so, I thank you for your sound advice.

coach! Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies;

Come on now, driver, let’s depart! Goodnight

good night, good night.

sweet ladies, goodnight.

[Exit]

KING CLAUDIUS

Follow her close; give her good watch,

Follow her closely, keep an eye on her,

I pray you.

I ask you.

[Exit HORATIO]

O, this is the poison of deep grief; it springs

Her mind is poisoned by her grief! It’s caused

All from her father's death. O Gertrude, Gertrude,

All by her father’s death. Oh Gertrude! Gertrude!

When sorrows come, they come not single spies

When bad luck comes, it doesn’t come alone,

But in battalions. First, her father slain:

More like an army. First, her father’s killed;

Next, your son gone; and he most violent author

And then your son is gone, caused by his violence

Of his own just remove: the people muddied,

That justified his ousting; people ponder

Thick and unwholesome in their thoughts and whispers,

Loathsome thoughts and gossip, spreading rumours

For good Polonius' death; and we have done but greenly,

About Polonius’ death; and I’ve naively,

In hugger-mugger to inter him: poor Ophelia

With swift stealth, buried him; oh, poor Ophelia,

Divided from herself and her fair judgment,

Out of her mind and lacking any judgement,

Without the which we are pictures, or mere beasts:

Without which we’re just pictures or mere beasts;

Last, and as much containing as all these,

And lastly, as important as all this,

Her brother is in secret come from France;

Her brother’s secretly returned from France,

Feeds on his wonder, keeps himself in clouds,

Leveraging concerns, his thoughts kept secret,

And wants not buzzers to infect his ear

And he’s not short of gossipmongers spreading

With pestilent speeches of his father's death;

Malicious tales about his father’s death.

Wherein necessity, of matter beggared,

Out of necessity, but lacking facts,

Will nothing stick our person to arraign

These gossipers will pin the blame on me

In ear and ear. O my dear Gertrude, this,

And he’ll believe them. Oh my dear Gertrude,

Like to a murdering-piece, in many places

I’m hit all over by a shrapnel-cannon

Gives me superfluous death.

That gives me an unnecessary death.

[A noise within]

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Alack, what noise is this?

Oh dear, what is that noise?

KING CLAUDIUS

Where are my Switzers? Let them guard the door.

Where are my Swiss guards? Have them guard the door.

[Enter another Gentleman]

What is the matter?

GENTLEMAN

Save yourself, my lord:

You must save yourself!

The ocean, overpeering of his list,

For if the rising ocean broke its shores,

Eats not the flats with more impetuous haste

It wouldn’t flood the flat-lands with more speed

Than young Laertes, in a riotous head,

Than young Laertes, in a violent temper,

O'erbears your officers. The rabble call him lord;

Who’s overthrown your guards. His men salute him,

And, as the world were now but to begin,

And, if the world were just beginning now,

Antiquity forgot, custom not known,

And history and customs were unknown,

The ratifiers and props of every word,

Which underscore most everything we say,

They cry 'Choose we: Laertes shall be king:'

They’d shout, ‘We want Laertes to be king!’

Caps, hands, and tongues, applaud it to the clouds:

They cheer and raise their hands up to the skies:

'Laertes shall be king, Laertes king!'

‘Laertes shall be king! Laertes, king!’

QUEEN GERTRUDE

How cheerfully on the false trail they cry!

They cheerfully bay the blood of wrongful prey!

O, this is counter, you false Danish dogs!

You’ve got this wrong, you traitorous Danish dogs!

KING CLAUDIUS

The doors are broke.

The doors are broken open.

[Noise within]

[Enter LAERTES, armed; Danes following]

LAERTES

Where is this king? Sirs, stand you all without.

Where is the king? Soldiers: you wait outside.

DANES

No, let's come in.

No, let’s come in.

LAERTES

I pray you, give me leave.

No, please—just wait outside.

DANES

We will, we will.

[They retire without the door]

LAERTES

I thank you: keep the door. O thou vile king,

I thank you: guard the door. You horrid king!

Give me my father!

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Calmly, good Laertes.

Calm down, good Laertes.

LAERTES

That drop of blood that's calm proclaims me bastard,

One drop of blood is calm! It calls me bastard,

Cries cuckold to my father, brands the harlot

It says my mother cheated on my father,

Even here, between the chaste unsmirched brow

And, marking on my forehead, brands my mother

Of my true mother.

A dirty whore!

KING CLAUDIUS

What is the cause, Laertes,

What’s causing this, Laertes?

That thy rebellion looks so giant-like?

What’s making you be so rebellious?

Let him go, Gertrude; do not fear our person:

Let him go, Gertrude! Don’t worry for me:

There's such divinity doth hedge a king,

A king is well protected by the lord

That treason can but peep to what it would,

So traitors can but dream of their ambition

Acts little of his will. Tell me, Laertes,

But can’t carry it out.—Tell me, Laertes,

Why thou art thus incensed. Let him go, Gertrude.

Why are you so annoyed? —Let him go, Gertrude!

Speak, man.

Speak, man!

LAERTES

Where is my father?

KING CLAUDIUS

Dead.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

But not by him.

KING CLAUDIUS

Let him demand his fill.

Let him ask all his questions.

LAERTES

How came he dead? I'll not be juggled with:

How did he die? Don’t give me any crap!

To hell, allegiance! Vows, to the blackest devil!

Allegiance, go to hell! I’ll stand with devils!

Conscience and grace, to the profoundest pit!

Good manners and good will, dig in the dirt!

I dare damnation. To this point I stand,

I don’t care if I’m damned. I’ll make my stand,

That both the worlds I give to negligence,

For this life, or the next, I do not care,

Let come what comes; only I'll be revenged

For what will be will be, if I’ve revenge

Most thoroughly for my father.

For my dear father’s death.

KING CLAUDIUS

Who shall stay you?

Who’s stopping you?

LAERTES

My will, not all the world:

My own free will, and nothing else will stop me.

And for my means, I'll husband them so well,

And as for my prowess, I’ll use it wisely;

They shall go far with little.

My meagre strengths will go far.

KING CLAUDIUS

Good Laertes,

Dear Laertes,

If you desire to know the certainty

If you desire to really know the truth

Of your dear father's death, is't writ in your revenge,

Behind your father’s death, does your revenge

That, swoopstake, you will draw both friend and foe,

Require that you slay your friends and foes,

Winner and loser?

Winners and losers?

LAERTES

None but his enemies.

Just his enemies.

KING CLAUDIUS

Will you know them then?

Do you know who they are?

LAERTES

To his good friends thus wide I'll ope my arms;

I’ll listen to his friends from far and wide,

And like the kind life-rendering pelican,

And like a pelican eats offspring blood,

Repast them with my blood.

I’ll let them feast on me.

KING CLAUDIUS

Why, now you speak

Well, now you speak

Like a good child and a true gentleman.

Like a good child and true gentleman.

That I am guiltless of your father's death,

That I’m not guilty for your father’s death,

And am most sensible in grief for it,

And, as is right, I’m grieving for his loss,

It shall as level to your judgment pierce

It should be just as obvious to you

As day does to your eye.

As night turning to day.

DANES

[Within]

Let her come in.

Let her go in.

LAERTES

How now! What noise is that?

Wait up - what noise is that?

[Re-enter OPHELIA]

O heat, dry up my brains! Tears seven times salt,

Oh heat, dry out my mind! And tears of salt

Burn out the sense and virtue of mine eye!

Burn out my own ability to see!

By heaven, thy madness shall be paid by weight,

By God, I’ll take revenge that you’ve gone mad,

Till our scale turn the beam. O rose of May!

Not stopping till avenged. Oh, rose of May!

Dear maid, kind sister, sweet Ophelia!

O heavens! Is't possible, a young maid's wits

Oh, lord! How can it be a young girl’s mind

Should be as moral as an old man's life?

Is just as mortal as an old man’s life?

Nature is fine in love, and where 'tis fine,

Our nature is so loving that this love

It sends some precious instance of itself

Will send some of its precious self to follow

After the thing it loves.

The thing it loved and lost.

OPHELIA

[Sings]

They bore him barefaced on the bier;

His open-coffin on a trolly;

Hey non nonny, nonny, hey nonny;

And in his grave rained many a tear:--

Graveside we wept all melancholy.

Fare you well, my dove!

Goodbye, my precious dove!

LAERTES

Hadst thou thy wits, and didst persuade revenge,

If you still had your wits and urged revenge,

It could not move thus.

It wouldn’t be this moving.

OPHELIA

[Sings]

You must sing a-down a-down,

You must sing, ‘A-down, a-down’

An you call him a-down-a.

If you can sing, ‘A-down-a.’

O, how the wheel becomes it! It is the false

It turns just like a wheel! It is the lying

steward, that stole his master's daughter.

steward who stole his master’s daughter.

LAERTES

This nothing's more than matter.

This nonsense beats the norm.

OPHELIA

There's rosemary, that's for remembrance; pray,

love, remember: and there is pansies. That's for thoughts.

love, remember: and there are pansies. That's for thoughts.

LAERTES

A document in madness, thoughts and remembrance fitted.

Connecting thought and memory is pure madness.

OPHELIA

There's fennel for you, and columbines: there's rue

There's fennel for you, and some columbines:

for you; and here's some for me: we may call it

there's rue for you; and here's some more for me.

herb-grace o' Sundays: O you must wear your rue with

We’ve herbs on Sunday. You may wear your rue

a difference. There's a daisy: I would give you

for different reasons. There's a daisy for you.

some violets, but they withered all when my father

I’d give you violets, but they all withered

died: they say he made a good end,--

when father died: they say he had a good end…

[Sings]

For bonny sweet Robin is all my joy.

LAERTES

Thought and affliction, passion, hell itself,

Afflicted thoughts and suffering, even hell,

She turns to favour and to prettiness.

She makes them sound appealing, almost pretty.

OPHELIA

[Sings]

And will he not come again?

No, no, he is dead:

Go to thy death-bed:

Go to thy deathbed:

He never will come again.

His beard was as white as snow,

All flaxen was his poll:

All golden was his hair:

He is gone, he is gone,

And we cast away moan:

God ha' mercy on his soul!

God bless his soul with prayer!

And of all Christian souls, I pray God. God be wi' ye.

And of all Christian souls, I pray God. God be with you.

[Exit]

LAERTES

Do you see this, O God?

Do you see this, oh God?!

KING CLAUDIUS

Laertes, I must commune with your grief,

Laertes, I must talk about your grief,

Or you deny me right. Go but apart,

Else you’ll deny my rights. Go out of here

Make choice of whom your wisest friends you will.

And choose whichever wisest friends you have.

And they shall hear and judge 'twixt you and me:

They then shall hear and judge between us both,

If by direct or by collateral hand

And if, either directly or implied,

They find us touched, we will our kingdom give,

They find me guilty, I’ll give you my kingdom,

Our crown, our life, and all that we can ours,

My crown, my life, and everything I have

To you in satisfaction; but if not,

To you without regret. But if they don’t,

Be you content to lend your patience to us,

Then you must be content to follow me,

And we shall jointly labour with your soul

And we shall work together to repair

To give it due content.

Your broken heart.

LAERTES

Let this be so;

Ok, you’ve got a deal.

His means of death, his obscure funeral--

The way he died, his secret funeral—

No trophy, sword, nor hatchment o'er his bones,

No formal ceremony for his body,

No noble rite nor formal ostentation--

No rites of passage read, no ostentation—

Cry to be heard, as 'twere from heaven to earth,

Suggest to me, as if a cry from heaven,

That I must call't in question.

That I must question this.

KING CLAUDIUS

So you shall;

And so you shall.

And where the offence is let the great axe fall.

And let’s behead whoever we find guilty.

I pray you, go with me.

Come on now, come with me.

[Exeunt]