SCENE 1: FRIAR LAURENCE'S CELL. — Shakespeare Retold

[Enter FRIAR LAURENCE and PARIS]

FRIAR LAURENCE

On Thursday, sir? The time is very short.

This Thursday, sir? The time is very short.

PARIS

My father Capulet will have it so;

That’s Capulet’s desire, my father-in-law;

And I am nothing slow to slack his haste.

I won’t delay his wish to have me wed fast.

FRIAR LAURENCE

You say you do not know the lady's mind:

You say you don’t know if the girl’s consented;

Uneven is the course, I like it not.

This is irregular; I do not like it.

PARIS

Immoderately she weeps for Tybalt's death,

She cries unreasonably for Tybalt’s death,

And therefore have I little talked of love;

And therefore have I barely spoke of love;

For Venus smiles not in a house of tears.

For love-God Venus doesn’t help with tears.

Now, sir, her father counts it dangerous

Now, sir, her father thinks it’s dangerous

That she doth give her sorrow so much sway,

That she’s become so overwhelmed with sorrow,

And in his wisdom hastes our marriage,

And in his wisdom, he’s rushed through our marriage

To stop the inundation of her tears;

To stop her being overwhelmed with tears;

Which, too much minded by herself alone,

Which, rather than her spending time alone,

May be put from her by society:

She might get better with some company.

Now do you know the reason of this haste.

So now you know the reason for the haste.

FRIAR LAURENCE

[Aside]

I would I knew not why it should be slowed.

I wish I didn’t know why we should slow down.

Look, sir, here comes the lady towards my cell.

Look, sir, here comes the lady to my chapel.

[Enter JULIET]

PARIS

Happily met, my lady and my wife!

I’m pleased to meet my lady and my wife!

JULIET

That may be, sir, when I may be a wife.

That may be so, sir, when I am a wife.

PARIS

That may be must be, love, on Thursday next.

That “may be” will be, love, on Thursday next.

JULIET

What must be shall be.

What will be will be.

FRIAR LAURENCE

That's a certain text.

That is true, for sure.

PARIS

Come you to make confession to this father?

Have you come for confession to the priest?

JULIET

To answer that, I should confess to you.

By answering, I’d thus confess to you.

PARIS

Do not deny to him that you love me.

JULIET

I will confess to you that I love him.

PARIS

So will ye, I am sure, that you love me.

And I am sure you’ll also say you love me.

JULIET

If I do so, it will be of more price,

If I do that, it will be of more value

Being spoke behind your back, than to your face.

If said behind your back than to your face.

PARIS

Poor soul, thy face is much abused with tears.

Poor soul, your face is stained from all your tears.

JULIET

The tears have got small victory by that;

The tears have not achieved much on my face,

For it was bad enough before their spite.

Because my face was bad enough without them.

PARIS

Thou wrong'st it, more than tears, with that report.

You curse your face more saying that than tears do.

JULIET

That is no slander, sir, which is a truth;

It isn’t slanderous to state the truth;

And what I spake, I spake it to my face.

And what I said, I said it to my face.

PARIS

Thy face is mine, and thou hast slandered it.

Your face is mine, and you have slandered it.

JULIET

It may be so, for it is not mine own.

Perhaps my face belongs to someone else.

Are you at leisure, holy father, now;

Are you available now, holy father?

Or shall I come to you at evening mass?

FRIAR LAURENCE

My leisure serves me, pensive daughter, now.

I’m free right now, my contemplative daughter.

My lord, we must entreat the time alone.

My lord, we need to spend this time alone.

PARIS

God shield I should disturb devotion!

Well, God forbid, I’d interfere with worship!

Juliet, on Thursday early will I rouse ye:

Juliet, on Thursday, I will wake you early;

Till then, adieu; and keep this holy kiss.

Till then, goodbye; and keep this holy kiss.

[Exit]

JULIET

O shut the door! And when thou hast done so,

Oh, shut the door! And after you have done that,

Come weep with me; past hope, past cure, past help!

Come cry with me; all hope has gone; I’m helpless!

FRIAR LAURENCE

Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief;

Ah, Juliet, I know why you are sad;

It strains me past the compass of my wits:

I’m at a loss to know how I might help you;

I hear thou must, and nothing may prorogue it,

I know you must – and nothing can delay it –

On Thursday next be married to this county.

Be married to the Count on Thursday next.

JULIET

Tell me not, friar, that thou hear'st of this,

Don’t tell me, friar, that you know about this

Unless thou tell me how I may prevent it:

Unless you tell me how I may prevent it.

If, in thy wisdom, thou canst give no help,

If, even with your wisdom, you can’t help me,

Do thou but call my resolution wise,

Then you must say my own solution’s wise

And with this knife I'll help it presently.

That I’ll achieve directly with this knife.

God joined my heart and Romeo's, thou our hands;

God joined my heart to Romeo’s, you our hands;

And ere this hand, by thee to Romeo sealed,

And now, before my hand you wed to Romeo

Shall be the label to another deed,

Will join in marriage to a different hand,

Or my true heart with treacherous revolt

Or if my heart begins to be adulterous,

Turn to another, this shall slay them both:

My hand will kill my heart and thus my hand.

Therefore, out of thy long-experienced time,

And so, by drawing on your vast experience,

Give me some present counsel, or, behold,

Give me some guidance quickly, or observe

'Twixt my extremes and me this bloody knife

This knife divide my problems from my heartache

Shall play the umpire, arbitrating that

By acting as the judge, deciding on

Which the commission of thy years and art

The outcome that your years of skill and knowhow

Could to no issue of true honour bring.

Could not suggest an honourable solution.

Be not so long to speak; I long to die,

Don’t take too long to speak; I want to die

If what thou speak'st speak not of remedy.

If what you tell me doesn’t solve my problem.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold, daughter: I do spy a kind of hope,

Wait, daughter; for I see a ray of hope,

Which craves as desperate an execution.

Requiring desperation to achieve it.

As that is desperate which we would prevent.

And now this circumstance I’d say is desperate.

If, rather than to marry County Paris,

If, rather than you marrying Count Paris,

Thou hast the strength of will to slay thyself,

You have the strength of will to kill yourself,

Then is it likely thou wilt undertake

Then it is likely you will carry out

A thing like death to chide away this shame,

An act like death to break free of this shame,

That copest with death himself to scape from it:

For you will face your own death to escape it.

And, if thou darest, I'll give thee remedy.

So, if you dare, I’ll give you the solution.

JULIET

O, bid me leap, rather than marry Paris,

Tell me to jump – rather than marry Paris –

From off the battlements of yonder tower;

From off the battlements of that there tower;

Or walk in thievish ways; or bid me lurk

Or walk with thieves and crooks; or have me sit

Where serpents are; chain me with roaring bears;

Within a pit of snakes; chain me with bears;

Or shut me nightly in a charnel-house,

Or lock me up each night within a mortuary,

O'er-covered quite with dead men's rattling bones,

All covered up with rattling bones of corpses,

With reeky shanks and yellow chapless skulls;

With stinking flesh and yellow jawless skulls;

Or bid me go into a new-made grave

Or have me climb into a just-dug grave

And hide me with a dead man in his shroud;

Things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble;

To hear these things all make me terrified,

And I will do it without fear or doubt,

Yet I will do them without fear or doubt

To live an unstained wife to my sweet love.

To stay a faithful wife to Romeo.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold, then; go home, be merry, give consent

Wait, then; go home; be happy, give agreement

To marry Paris: Wednesday is to-morrow:

To marry Paris. Wednesday is tomorrow.

To-morrow night look that thou lie alone;

Tomorrow night make sure you sleep alone;

Let not thy nurse lie with thee in thy chamber:

Don’t let your nurse sleep with you in your bedroom.

Take thou this vial, being then in bed,

Take this small bottle, and when you’re in bed,

And this distilled liquor drink thou off;

Drink all the potion that’s inside of it.

When presently through all thy veins shall run

Then quickly through your veins you’ll start to feel

A cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse

A cold and drowsy mood, and then no pulse

Shall keep his native progress, but surcease:

Will beat as normal, and your heart will stop.

No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest;

No warmth nor breath will indicate you’re living;

The roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade

The redness in your lips and cheeks will fade

To paly ashes, thy eyes' windows fall,

To ashen, and your eyelids both will close,

Like death, when he shuts up the day of life;

Like you have died, when death takes you away.

Each part, deprived of supple government,

Each part of you, devoid of any movement,

Shall, stiff and stark and cold, appear like death:

Will look all stiff and stark and cold, like death:

And in this borrowed likeness of shrunk death

And in this borrowed state of virtual death,

Thou shalt continue two and forty hours,

You’ll stay for forty-two long hours like this,

And then awake as from a pleasant sleep.

And then you’ll wake, like from a pleasant sleep.

Now, when the bridegroom in the morning comes

Now, when your bridegroom goes there in the morning

To rouse thee from thy bed, there art thou dead:

To wake you from your bed, he’ll find you dead.

Then, as the manner of our country is,

Then, as is customary in our country,

In thy best robes uncovered on the bier

In your best clothes, within an open casket,

Thou shalt be borne to that same ancient vault

You will be carried to the ancient vault

Where all the kindred of the Capulets lie.

To lie amongst your kindred Capulets.

In the mean time, against thou shalt awake,

In the meantime, before you’ve woken up,

Shall Romeo by my letters know our drift,

I’ll write to Romeo to share our plan,

And hither shall he come: and he and I

And then he will return; and he and I

Will watch thy waking, and that very night

Will watch as you wake up, and that same night

Shall Romeo bear thee hence to Mantua.

Will Romeo take you to Mantua.

And this shall free thee from this present shame;

And this will free you from your present problem,

If no inconstant toy, nor womanish fear,

If you don’t change your mind or be a coward

Abate thy valour in the acting it.

Or shy away from bravery in the act.

JULIET

Give me, give me! O, tell not me of fear!

Give it to me! Don’t talk to me of fear!

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold; get you gone, be strong and prosperous

Hold this. Leave now; be strong and optimistic

In this resolve: I'll send a friar with speed

As you do this. I’ll quickly send a friar

To Mantua, with my letters to thy lord.

To Mantua with letters for your man.

JULIET

Love give me strength! And strength shall help afford.

Love give me strength to carry out this plan!

Farewell, dear father!

Goodbye, dear father!

[Exeunt]