ACT 2
[Enter JULIET]
JULIET
The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse;
The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse;
In half an hour she promised to return.
She promised she’d be back in half an hour.
Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so.
Perhaps she couldn’t meet him: that’s not true.
O, she is lame! Love's heralds should be thoughts,
Oh, she’s so slow! Love’s news should be like thoughts
Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams,
That fly ten times as fast as sunbeams fly
Driving back shadows over louring hills:
To drive the dark clouds back from sullen hills:
Therefore do nimble-pinioned doves draw love,
Like swift doves pull the chariot of Venus,
And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings.
Like Cupid flies with expeditious wings.
Now is the sun upon the highmost hill
The sun’s now at its highpoint in the sky
Of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve
Of this day’s journey, and from nine till twelve
Is three long hours, yet she is not come.
Is three long hours, but she’s not come back.
Had she affections and warm youthful blood,
If she was so in love and she were young,
She would be as swift in motion as a ball;
She’d travel swiftly as a tennis ball;
My words would bandy her to my sweet love,
My words would bounce from her to my sweet lover,
And his to me:
And his would bounce to me.
But old folks, many feign as they were dead;
But old folk often act as though they’re dead;
Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead.
Unwieldy, slow and heavy, pale as lead.
O God, she comes!
Oh God, she’s coming!
[Enter Nurse and PETER]
O honey nurse, what news?
Oh sweet nurse, what news?
Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.
Have you met with him? Send your man away.
NURSE
Peter, stay at the gate.
Peter, wait at the gate.
[Exit PETER]
JULIET
Now, good sweet nurse,--O Lord, why look'st thou sad?
Sweet nurse…oh Lord, why do you look so sad?
Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily;
If it’s sad news, then say so happily;
If good, thou shamest the music of sweet news
If it’s good news, you dampen happy sounds
By playing it to me with so sour a face.
By speaking them with such a bitter face.
NURSE
I am a-weary, give me leave awhile:
I’m bloody knackered; let me rest a while.
Fie, how my bones ache! What a jaunt have I had!
Oh God, my aching bones! What a palaver!
JULIET
I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news:
I wish you had my bones, and I your news;
Nay, come, I pray thee, speak; good, good nurse, speak.
Come on, I tell you, speak; speak up, good nurse.
NURSE
Jesu, what haste? Can you not stay awhile?
Jesus, what is the rush? Can you not wait?
Do you not see that I am out of breath?
Can you not see that I am out of breath?
JULIET
How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath
How come you’re out of breath, when you’ve just told me
To say to me that thou art out of breath?
That you’re so out of breath, you cannot speak?
The excuse that thou dost make in this delay
The excuse that you are using in delaying
Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse.
Is longer than the news that you’re excusing.
Is thy news good, or bad? Answer to that;
Is your news good or bad? Answer me that;
Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance:
Say either, then I’ll wait for all the details;
Let me be satisfied, is't good or bad?
Tell me the news, whether it’s good or bad.
NURSE
Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not
Well, you have made a silly choice; you don’t know
how to choose a man: Romeo! No, not he; though his
how to choose a man. Romeo! No, not him; although
face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels
his face is better looking than any other man, and his legs
all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body,
are nicer than other men’s; and his feet and his body,
though they be not to be talked on, yet they are
although we shouldn’t talk about them, are way
past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy,
beyond compare. He is not the most courteous,
but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy
but I assure you he’s as gentle as a lamb. So do what you want,
ways, wench; serve God. What, have you dined at home?
girl, but do so in the eyes of God. Have you eaten at home?
JULIET
No, no: but all this did I know before.
No, no, but I knew all of this before.
What says he of our marriage? What of that?
What did he say about our marriage? Tell me.
NURSE
Lord, how my head aches! What a head have I!
Oh Lord, I’ve got a headache! How my head hurts!
It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces.
It throbs like it will shatter into pieces.
My back o' t' other side,--O, my back, my back!
My back on my other side! Oh, my back!
Beshrew your heart for sending me about,
Goddamn your heart for sending me out there
To catch my death with jaunting up and down!
To make me sick by darting back and forth!
JULIET
I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well.
In truth I’m sorry that you are not well.
Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love?
Sweet nurse, tell me, what did my lover say?
NURSE
Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a
Your lover says, like an honest gentleman, and a
courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I
courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I
warrant, a virtuous,--Where is your mother?
assure you, a decent… Where is your mother?
JULIET
Where is my mother! Why, she is within;
Where is my mother?! Well, she is inside;
Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest!
Where should she be? That’s such a weird reply!
'Your love says, like an honest gentleman,
“Your lover says, like an honest gentleman,
Where is your mother?'
Where is your mother?
NURSE
O God's lady dear!
Oh dear God, good lady!
Are you so hot? Marry, come up, I trow;
Why are you so impatient? Calm down, I say;
Is this the poultice for my aching bones?
Is this the way to soothe my aching bones?
Henceforward do your messages yourself.
From now on, send your messages yourself.
JULIET
Here's such a coil! Come, what says Romeo?
You’re so wound up! Come on, what did Romeo say?
NURSE
Have you got leave to go to shrift to-day?
Are you allowed to make confession today?
JULIET
I have.
I am.
NURSE
Then hie you hence to Friar Laurence' cell;
Then hurry on to Friar Laurence’s cell;
There stays a husband to make you a wife:
A husband’s waiting there; you’ll be his wife.
Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks,
Here comes the lusty blood to make your cheeks blush,
They'll be in scarlet straight at any news.
They’ll turn to scarlet when there’s any news.
Hie you to church; I must another way,
Now, hurry to the church; I must go elsewhere
To fetch a ladder, by the which your love
To fetch a ladder, which your love will use
Must climb a bird's nest soon when it is dark:
To climb up to your bedroom once it’s dark.
I am the drudge and toil in your delight,
I’ll do the drudge work, all for your delight,
But you shall bear the burden soon at night.
But you’ll soon do a lady’s work tonight.
Go; I'll to dinner: hie you to the cell.
Go on; I’m off to lunch; rush to the cell.
JULIET
Hie to high fortune! Honest nurse, farewell.
I’ll rush to my good fortune! Nurse, farewell.
[Exeunt]
